I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
