first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
