The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
