I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
