I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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