I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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