We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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