I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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