I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
