i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
