so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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