she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
