I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
