ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
