i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
