he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
