Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
