What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
