peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
