i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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