i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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