She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
