forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
