I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
