So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
