Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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