making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Someone shattered a urinal.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
