Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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