In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
