so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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