Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
