he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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