the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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