He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
