If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
