She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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