Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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