So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
