So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
