When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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