I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
