i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
