I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i believe in u and ur pee
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
