I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
