peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
