We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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