How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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