i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
