I just cut my nipple shaving
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
