i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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