remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
