I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
