Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
