I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Boobs speak an international language.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
