You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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