he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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