dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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