Im at strip club and am horny
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
