when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
