Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
