Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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