There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
