she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You were trust falling into bushes
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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