she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize