My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
