i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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