My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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