also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
