Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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