I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
