Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
