i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
