I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
